I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
