Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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