I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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