She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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