I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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