if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
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