was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
