My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Randomize
