sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
