I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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