How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
