I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
