I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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