And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
