I'd wear matching sweaters with you
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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