i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
