i just wanna soil my oats bro
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
