I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
