She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
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