Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
