I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
