How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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