i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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