this boner is exhausting
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
wow bdsm is so cute
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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