Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Randomize
