i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
