I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
