So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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