My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
