I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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