It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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