PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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