three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
