when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
