So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
