love makes seman taste better
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
