I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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