On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize