I will die if light touches me.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
