I feel great
I just peed on a car
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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