i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
