You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
