Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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