this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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