Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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