Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
