My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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