I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
He kissed a someone with a penis
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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