Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
