I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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