I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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