awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Sext me about skeletons
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
