Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
