I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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