Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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