.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
