No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
