Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
