So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
