I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
why do cheetos always look like penises
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
