So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
There's always time for handjobs
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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