Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
