we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Randomize
