Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
