So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
