8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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