Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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