its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Hippo gnu deer
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
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