I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
