pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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