Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize